7:29 a.m. Yesterday evening we completed a leg of the Dogbreath Relay. Myself, Sr. C, Lillith, and Xepher were dead. The damned were Oalimn (Star Ruby & LXV I), Sar Shalom (Star Sapphire & drumming) and, BreAnna Ashtara (VII II) and S Oroboros (invocation of [Saturn]). I wore my elephant skirt and drew the sigil on my shaved chest in charcoal. My results:
I got the intense tingling in my limbs almost immediately. I stopped and then started again when the vision didn't start right away. I gave up once more.
A great green [sigil of N.O.X.] spiralled towards me out of the void. I passed through it. Then a white mask, stylized, with a tranquil look on its face. I felt like these were just astral garbage, so I invoked [my Angel] for guidance to the path.
Right away I saw an eye. It was vivid and real. The iris was golden, and it was half-lidded. The skin at the corners of the eye was wrinkled and at first I thought it was an old man. Then I saw that it was a toad.
Seized by who knows what impulse, I kissed the toad on the mouth. The kiss was full, wet and sensual; and it escalated into the phenomenon of my being devoured by the toad. It was very pleasurable. Once inside the toad, I turned the toad inside-out, and it became a beautiful woman. I embraced her delightedly and we rolled together naked on the ground. Then she was atop me; she lifted her hands over her head and shot off into the sky, vanishing.
Then I tried to rise to my feet, but I found myself stuck, spread-eagled on a spider web. I struggled to get free, with the consequence that my limbs came loose and fell off. The dismemberment was frightening, and I invoked [my Angel] to preserve me.
Suddenly, it occurred to me that I should identify with my heart instead of my head; I closed my eyes and found my self whole, bodiless, and radiant. I dropped through the web and into a vast field of stars.
I was then back in the temple. I tried to stand before my body had fully recovered, and then thought better of it.
SHIN: 11 March 1996 e.v.
7:35 p.m. A pack of Dogs have gathered for tonight's relay. I will be taking this record into the temple without a timepiece, so that I can attend to it during/immediately after the work. I have prepared my sigil with gold paint on black construction paper, framed it, and hung it above the temple door.
(later) Sr. C. led us in warmup stretches, and the opening ritual included --Star Ruby from Sr. B.A. --Invoking Pentagrams from Oalimn Oalimn drummed, and Fr. [Shin]² read LXV cap. IV, and Sr. S O. read LXV cap. V.
My vision: A brilliant blaze of light gradually condensed into the form of a man twirling a baton with flame burning at both ends, I saluted him with the sign of Toum-aesh-neith and asked if he were the genius of the path. He replied that he was its envoy, and he cavorted off through a kaleidoscopic passage, down which I followed him. But I could not keep pace, and he dwindled to a light in the distance. I was now walking across a grey, barren plain. I came to a great tower shaped like a phallus. I passed into it immaterially, and rose to its top, which I found to be a pyramid. There was an empty sarcophagus in the pyramid. I lay on the floor (NOT in the sarcophagus), then I rose and walked through a passage to the outside. There I encountered a black eagle radiating great heat. I asked if it were the genius of the path, giving signs for [fire] and [spirit]. It responded by plunging into my chest head-first and totally absorbing itself within my body. I felt a huge rush of energy, and fell backwards onto the ground. As I lay there, a bright green stalk shot up from my loins and continued to grow. I felt pleased and let my body dissolve into the earth/unconsciousness.
B.A. concluded the rite with a Star Ruby, and the Damned Dogs left the Dead to our Records.
(8:37 p.m. on exiting temple.)
RESH: 6 May 1996 e.v.
8:00 ? Dogbreath Relay.
Opening invocation was beautiful. Aix read VII cap. IV during breath. I had a little trouble breathing at first, but. . .
I was bombarded with bubbles; they were everywhere bearing down on my naked body in happy beauty. I was carried upward in a stream of them--up--up. Far off on the horizon I saw the sun rise. Then I realized that it wasn't rising, I was being borne towards it over the curve of the Earth. I flew straight into it and became the sun. My face was burning hot. I looked for the planets and they appeared as little dancing Tinkerbelle-type fairies. I wanted to dance with them and so I became the seventh little fairy and found myself with them in a garden. All of the others fled and I was left alone to explore among the flowers and other plants that towered over me. I must have been 3" or so. I wanted to find the spirit of the path. I saw a big bee and asked if it were the spirit of the path. It ignored me and flew on, so I followed it for a while. Just when I thought that it would fly out of sight, it faded out. I had come to a little pool. I looked in and saw the sun over my head in my reflections. I dove in and swum around a little. It was fun. When I got out, the fairies had returned--many more than six. We sang, danced, sported, played music--others drummed and I whistled. Suddenly, they all ran away again. I looked up and saw a huge orange housecat. I asked if it were the spirit of the path, and it laid down. I curled up on its breast with supreme contentment and went to sleep.
QOPH: 22 July 1996 e.v.
7:28 p.m. I created my sigil for the Dogbreath Relay (Qanidnayx-ipamai) out of a worn grey seachell from Corpus Christi, adorned with crimson nail polish.
(later--no clock in temple) Dogbreath at Sar Shalom and Ananda's--dead on qoph:
First, a feeling of being wrapped in something--having it coiled around me. Then, I am floating on my back down a stream through the jungle. I look for the moon and see it above: a new moon in the old moon's arms--and then the old moon is gone. I am in mud, stuck, not sinking, relaxed. Men (?) start to haul me out. They pull me up. They are all grey and faceless, nude, with a badge of wet blood on their chests. I am scared and flee. They are everywhere in the jungle. Finally I return to the river and cross it, thus eluding them.
I see light through the trees and come to a clearing. As soon as I step into it, I feel like many people are watching me from the shadows. Two fires are burning in the clearing. I step forward to pass between them, and I feel a stinging pass down the back of my body, from my head to my toes. As I try to continue, my legs give out from under me. I see a hut beyond the fires. A knotted rope is being drawn past me into the hut. I grasp it and it drags me through the dirt to the threshold of the hut, where I release it and look in. I was anticipating some kind of beautiful silvery shrine, but the rope is being devoured by a limy pit of bugs and vermin that fills the hut entirely.
I regain my ability to walk and go around to the back of the hut. A beautiful naked woman is there. I think of her immediately as a priestess. She is black, with large breasts and long limbs. She reaches out and puts her fingers to my throat. I instantaneously get an erection, which she grasps with her other hand. She leans forward and closes her mouth on mine, spitting cups of hot blood into it. SHe lets me go, and I stagger backwards into darkness. I hear animals screaming (birds, cats?) in the distance.
Even as I write this, there is a strange stinging sensation in my throat, as though I had swallowed something very acidic.
TZADDI: 19 August 1996 e.v.
8:13 p.m. Sunset devotions in Sar Shalom and Ananda's back yard, regaled for Dogbreath in tzaddi. . . I am wearing blue and purple harem pants, no whirt, my siver unicursal hexagram pendant, matick rings, and galbanum oil.
(later) Despite more vigorous and thorough breathing than usual, my vision was decidedly brief and simple:
I immediately found myself in a huge, shoulder-to-shoulder crowd. Huge stone (marble) pillared buildings surrounded us--it was a great city. The crowd was angry and violent. Platforms had gbeen erected in several places, and periodically somone would be dragged onto one of the platforms and have their arms and legs attached to a large metal device from behind them. Then there would be a play of light around them, and they would stiffen and disintegrate. I watched in fascination, and then, as I was watching a woman being hauled to one of the execution points, a blow struck me in the center of the back and knocked me down. Several people picked me up and started shoving me towards a platform. I was secured into place, unresisting. There was no sensation associated with the execution, I just became a pile of dust.
I know that the dust of the executed is supposed to be made into some sort of valuable paste, but before mine can be collected, I, as a pile of dust, call to my angel for aid, and I am borne up in a little whirlwind. My dust spirals up into the atmosphere. I can see the city far below me--its buildings are collapsing. It is on an island. The island dwindles and is lost in the sea. The planet dwindles and is lost in the stars. I am in a purple abyss of space. My grey dust spirals together with the milk of the stars, and I feel a totally non-corporeal pleasure as I mix with the cosmic energies. The spirals merge, and, for an instant, I regain human form, but one entirely of white flame; then the vision ends.
Interesting feature of this vision: It seemed to go by very rapidly, and I had to lay there for a long time remembering it and putting it all together.