The Scarlet Letter
Volume IV, Number 2 | June 1997
The Scarlet Classifides
(Athena Ariagne, Dionysos Soter, Hortus Inclusus, & Maitreya)
$$$ INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY: EBSM seeks business partner for Elixir production and mass marketing.
Thaumaturgist seeks personal secretary. Type 60 wpm, light filing, AR/AP, client relations. Exact recitation of barbarous names from high-pressure magickal circle a must! Charlatans need not apply.
Secret Bondage OTO Splinter Groups seeks envelope pushers. Good pay, honest work.
Scarlet Woman needs Beast for Part-time Position. Must be in good physical condition, some lifting required, endurance a must. Some yoga experience preferred. Will Train. Four days per month guaranteed for the right person.
For Sale—Goods and store of women and spices. No reasonable offer refused. Unreasonable offers considered. Call (418) 156-9393. Ask for Al.
For Sale—Goat (slightly used). Excellent for kiddie rides, bar mitzvahs, parades, and initiations.
On Sale Now! True Apostolic Succession. Send for your Apostolic starter kit today. Only $23.99. P.O. Box 777, Big Fish, TX 78666.
MEBSM seeks FEBSM for dining, romance, hiking, quiet evenings, fuzzy kitty cats and Black Mass (East Coast Satanic version preferred).
Nothin' butta Horn Dog seeks Thrice Great Horn Doggess for sniffin' and ruttin'. Arff!
KWOB seeks randy beast for bottoming and works of wickedness. Bare back riding, travel, and pleasure could be yours. Must have own livery equipment. 232-RIDE.
Experienced Initiatrix desires young, budding male magicians. Mutually beneficial.
Unorthodox EGC priestess seeks that special, romantic ECG priest for neon drive-thru transubstantiation. Dare to be different! Sheep need not apply. Send photo to P.O. Box 872, Lone Star, TX 78777
Hot, young mass team seeks same for swinging high jungle gym mass and double naked pagan twister. Write to 4=0, Box 16, Alembic, TX 78822.
Priest of the Sun seeks virgin pure without spot for high mass and possible mystical marriage. Ejaculation a plus. Send letter of qualifications to Priest of the Sun, 666 Sol St., Alma, NM 89222
Divide, add, multiply and understand! MacGregor's Qabbalistic Pre-school now accepting applications for enrollment.
The Scarlet Classifieds were written by S.A.M.A.D.H.I. (Athena Ariagne, Dionysos Soter, Hortus Inclusus, & Maitreya) during a roadtrip to Mexico.